By Maria Laposata
Maybe before he concocted his scheme to give all New Yorkers one enormous sugar high, Dominique Ansel took an economics course. Why? Well, making between 200 and 250 cronuts a day almost guarantees a shortage. Of course, Ansel only makes a limited quantity because it takes three whole days to make a cronut. But still, I wonder, if Dunkin Donuts or Krispy Kreme decided they were only going to sell 200 donuts a day, wouldn’t New Yorkers have an equally rabic reaction?
Wouldn’t sadistic bosses send their employees to wait in line at 6AM for the donut they’d been eating every morning for years thinking nothing of it then beyond “This is bad for me?” Wouldn’t a lucky 200 sheeples pay upwards of $20 for what was once a dollar?
Despite the wait, a couple hundred crazed individuals line up every day at the crack of dawn–well before the bakery opens–to tempt fate with a diabetic coma, to say sorry, to give a friend the ultimate birthday treat, or to resell the cronuts for an 800% mark up.
Between the scalpers, the craiglist ads (this had to be our favorite: http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/for/3919799084.html), and the new cronut delivery service charging $100 per cronut, $1,500 for 10 cronuts, or $5,000 for 20 (New Yorkers can’t do multiplication…), New York should be gaining 10 pounds per capita within the next week or so.
This next paragraph was supposed to tell you exactly how bad a cronut is for you. Unfortunately, Dominique Ansel hasn’t released the nutrition information for his creation…very smartly. Especially considering that the usual fads sweeping this city usually involve the words “organic” and “juicing.” Also, “cupcakes,” but that’s not helping my point.
Someone needs to stage an intervention for the sake of society, so I’d like to personally ask Mayor Bloomberg to organize a viewing of The Biggest Loser in Central Park this weekend to put a stop to this nonsense. Really, it’s right up your alley Mr. Mayor. We’ll make sure we’ve only got tiny cups of soda for the audience to wash down their cronuts.
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